It happened so fast. You fell head over heels for each other. Are you just lucky in love, or is that tiny voice at the back of your head trying to warn you about something? It sounds an awful lot like you, and it keeps asking annoying questions like, “Why do I get attached so easily?” Because deep down, you know something isn’t quite right. And you want to know why.
Why Do I Fall in Love So Easily?
If you fall in love easily, the reason for that goes deeper than any attachment to romantic fiction or poetry. You might fall in love for any of the following reasons:
You’ve just come out of a relationship and feel the need for a good distraction.You’re withdrawing from something that makes you feel good, and you’re looking for a replacement. You’ve been in a toxic relationship and want another love to help you escape. You’re tired of being the only one you know who doesn’t have someone to love.You’re in a hurry to find your ideal partner and settle down. You confuse attraction and chemistry for love.
Once you know what lies beneath that readiness to fall for someone, you can find other ways to satisfy that deeper need. Because a spur-of-the-moment romantic relationship probably won’t.
How to Stop Falling in Love So Easily: 15 Surefire Ways
The following 15 steps will help you avoid falling in love too easily, which will save you considerable time, trouble, and heartbreak. Contemplate each of them so that by the time you reach a conclusion, you’ll have an idea of what to focus on first.
1. Dig deeper to understand your why.
Something about being single makes you feel either afraid or inferior, and that’s worth examining. When you feel incomplete by yourself, it’s easy to fall in love with someone who makes you feel worthy of their time and admiration. You feel less alone in the world and less invisible or insignificant. But you deserve to know why you can’t feel that way as a single person — and what’s really holding you back.
2. Love yourself before you look for someone else to.
Practice loving yourself before you look for someone to do that for you. You don’t need someone else to shower you with affection to prove that you’re worthy of it. Everyone has an inner loner who needs time to themselves. Respect your need to spend some time each day just enjoying your own company — and doing things you like. Show yourself some radical self-care without waiting for someone else to tell you you need or deserve it.
3. Enjoy your independence and let them enjoy theirs.
Remind yourself of how independent you can be. You don’t need to be part of a couple to be happy or productive. And neither does this new love interest. You can cook for yourself (or at least reheat things), you can keep your living space tidy (if needs must), and you can enjoy your own company without someone else telling you how great it is. You have uncharted depths. Both of you do. But you need to get acquainted with your own before diving into someone else’s. In fact, it wouldn’t hurt either of you to go out casually with other people to see if your heart is swayed elsewhere.
4. Make sure you still have your own thing.
If you’re considering a relationship with someone, make sure they give you space to pursue your own hobbies — by yourself. It’s a huge red flag if this person tries to guilt you into giving up your hobby to make more time for them or do something they enjoy. Anyone who forces you to choose between them and a hobby that lights you up deserves to be disappointed by your decision.
5. Make a list of the qualities you want to see in a partner.
Picture yourself on a date with someone who has all the qualities you’re looking for in a partner. What do you notice about them? How do they treat the servers? Think of personality traits you want to see in them when you’re spending time together. What could they do that would make you decide to break up with them (or refuse the offer of a second date)? Then commit to not settling for less than someone who nails the most important qualities.
6. Don’t be in a hurry to find a new love.
If you’re used to being part of a couple, there’s no use sugarcoating it. This will be hard. You’ve gotten so used to identifying as part of a couple that being single feels like an awkward limbo state. You’re not used to feeling grounded without someone holding your hand. But the more you give yourself a chance to stand strong by yourself, the more comfortable you’ll be with the prospect of remaining single as long as it takes to find someone worth committing to.
7. Distract yourself.
Sometimes you fall in love because you’re lonely or because you’ve nothing better to do. Or maybe you want some excitement in your life to balance the drudgery of your job or to give you something to look forward to. The solution is to find something to do — preferably something you enjoy. Even better if doing that thing boosts your confidence and self-esteem. Show yourself you don’t need to be in a romantic relationship to feel good about yourself and the life you’re creating.
8. Spend time with family and/or friends.
You don’t have to be part of a couple to have someone around who cares about you and loves your company. Use your single time to get closer to family and friends. If you don’t have family members or friends who can help fill that social void, try volunteering to meet some new people while doing something you can be proud of. Or reach out to someone you haven’t seen in a while to check on them.
9. Observe and be honest about the flaws you see in a new love interest.
Everyone has them. And this person’s flaws might hint at horrors to come if you overlook them. Don’t be so afraid to lose them or their interest in you that you overlook the red flags. Remember that list of the qualities you want to see in a life partner. If you see antithetical traits to one of those qualities, it’s worth taking a step back — or, sometimes, even running in the opposite direction. 25 Top Signs A Girl Likes You But Is Trying Not To Show It 19 Unambiguous Signs She Wants A Serious Relationship With You 15 Different Types Of Romantic Relationships You Should Know About
10. Limit your availability (via texting, social media, etc.)
You don’t have to be accessible to this person (via phone or social media) all the time. You have other things to do with your time besides responding to texts or keeping up with this person’s social media activity. Even if you’re just relaxing with a book (or something else), you can turn off your phone or mute the ringer. Respect your me-time. If this person pretends to respect that but then constantly texts or calls you and expects you to drop everything to gratify them, you have a right to make yourself less accessible.
11. Put the physical stuff on the back burner.
No touching until you have a real idea of whether you two are compatible. Once you start with the physical stuff, it’s harder to get to know each other or notice red flags. Physical intimacy can be addictive and hard to give up. The more physical you get, the more attached you might feel to this person and to “making it work.” And that makes it harder to see them and their character clearly.
12. Take a time-out.
Give yourself time to come down from the emotional high, so you can process what you’ve noticed so far. Give both of you a chance to cool down, so you can decide whether getting closer is a good idea. Do something you enjoy or get some important work done. Check some things off your to-do list and allow yourself to enjoy your own company for a while and to think things through. A time-out and some distance may be all you need to make the right choice.
13. Pay attention to your own emotions.
Sure, you’re feeling things. But if what you’re feeling is either lust or blind adoration, it’s best to take a step back until you can see this person more clearly. You could also be feeling insecure or anxious about your status as a single person (whether that’s been a long-standing thing or a new development). And meeting a new love interest when you’re in this state has left you with a rush of confusing emotions. It’s easy to mistake those feelings for love or, at least, infatuation. Give yourself time to sort them out before you decide on what to do next.
14. Replace an addiction with something better before falling in love.
Replacing one addiction with another doesn’t get you to a better place. Ultimately, your inner chemistry has more to do with your happiness than the chemistry you might have with someone else. And if you’re still in the early stages of recovery from an addiction, you’re more likely to look for something that makes you feel the same way (i.e., something that lights up the reward centers in your brain). A person should not become your next drug of choice.
15. Practice self-compassion.
Don’t beat yourself up for the relationships you’ve jumped into and regretted. You’re not alone, and you can’t benefit from what you’ve learned if you’re still obsessing over your mistakes. Be kind to yourself, and think about what you want more of in your present and future. From now on, don’t settle for someone who isn’t going to help with that. But don’t expect yourself to be perfect from now on, either.
You can stop falling in love too easily.
Now that you’ve read through all 15 ways to stop falling in love so easily, which ones will you practice this week? Which will you start today? Taking action right away is vital. When you’ve fallen for someone new, it’s easy to get swept up in it and to forget the bigger picture. But as thrilling as romance can be, if it’s only surface-deep, the problems that lie beneath it will easily outweigh the short-term bliss. Loving yourself first will lay the best foundation for the kind of relationship you want.
