Do you appreciate the calm and stability of men twice your age? If so, you’re not alone. Many ladies in their twenties are attracted to older men. But why do young women like older men and vice versa? Moreover, is it socially acceptable to enjoy the company of mature men? Why do some women fall for older men, and how do you attract them? Strap on your SCUBA gear because we’re doing a deep dive below.
Is It Okay to Like Older Men?
Is it okay to like older men? Why are women attracted to older men? The answers will depend on who you ask, and it’s part of the old “nature vs. nurture” debate. People like Professor Madeleine Fugere, author of “The Social Psychology of Attraction and Romantic Relationships,” believe it’s natural for younger women to like older men and vice versa. According to the theory, men are conditioned to look for the most “fertile” females and women the most “stable and dominant” males. She also points out that females with older parents are statistically more likely to marry older males. Ultimately, researchers who agree with Fugere adopt the “nature” argument. Other people believe that coupling older men and younger women is a problematic social scourge caused by over 2,000 years of patriarchal rule. Essentially, researchers in this camp believe the behavior is rooted in the “nurture” end of the scale. Whichever the case, be aware of the peaks and pitfalls before jumping into a May-December relationship.
Pro: Older men are often more financially secure. Con: You may find, as time goes on, that you have difficulty finding things to connect on, especially if you’re over 20 years apart. Pro: Since Older men tend to know what they want and don’t play games, there’s usually a lot less drama. Con: Other people will have strong, negative opinions about your relationship, which they’ll loudly share with everyone who will listen.
Our stance: If your reasons for being attracted to older men aren’t rooted in a deep and destructive psychological issue, then do you. It may work out, or it may not. Time is the ultimate decider. Whatever path and partner you choose, prepare for what likely lies ahead.
Why Do I Like Older Men? 13 Possible Reasons You Do
Liking older men is common, especially for women in their twenties. At that age, many females have reached a higher maturity threshold than their male counterparts. And although it’s one of the major reasons for May-December romances, maturity isn’t the only reason you may fall hard for older men. Let’s explore a baker’s dozen.
1. You Crave Financial Stability
In these hyper-consumerist days, financial stability is increasingly elusive and, therefore, enticing. In short, older men tend to be more stable than younger ones, making them more attractive. This factor can be incredibly potent for people who’ve struggled for most of their life and those who’ve lived a privileged life and are petrified of being poor.
2. You Have Daddy Issues
You’ve undoubtedly heard the term “daddy issues” before, and it’s usually not deployed as a compliment. But in truth, it’s rare for people not to have parental issues. Having “daddy” or “mommy” issues doesn’t necessarily mean you had an awful childhood with negligent parents. Instead, it signals that something about your relationship with your father or mother profoundly impacted your adult personality. Granted, it’s usually not a positive impact, but the ideal family is a unicorn — a mythical creation. So if you find yourself unusually attracted to older men, consider if you’re drawn to them due to some deep psychological hiccup. Because if that’s the case, the relationship may turn messy and unhealthy.
3. You Have a History of Bad Experiences With Younger Guys
Experiences shape who we are, and they say that insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results. So it follows that if you date a bunch of younger guys, and it always devolves into a hot mess, then maybe it’s time to try something new.
4. Older Men Know What They Want
If you haven’t realized it yet: People younger than 35 tend to fall on the “still figuring it out” side of the scale. Sure, there will always be people who have everything laid out from Kindergarten on — the Type-As. But most people spend their teens, twenties, and even early 30s figuring out who they are, where they fit in, and who they want to be. And becoming comfortable in one’s own skin gives you a boost. So when men reach that point, they become more intriguing, handsome, and attractive.
5. Older Men Can Be More Flattering
Are you someone who craves attention? If so, you may be drawn to older men because they can be much more flattering and know how to make you feel special. (Young guys are still working that out.) But be discerning. Many older guys know how to talk a good game and end up hurting you worse.
6. You Enjoy Good Sex
We’re not shy around these parts, and the truth is that many older men are much better at sex. After all, they’ve had a lot more sexual experience. So women who like older men may be in it for the bedroom perks. If you enjoy the pleasure of sexual intercourse and want to be with someone who knows what they’re doing underneath the sheets, an older man may be more appealing.
7. You’re Unapologetically Materialistic
We’d all love to be Mother Theresa with a Jeff-Bezos-sized bank account. Unfortunately, life isn’t that kind. We are who we are. And yes, for some, that means being unapologetically materialistic. Is it an ideal archetype? Probably not. But at the same time, nobody can reasonably blame you when we uphold a grossly status-centric, materialistic society. In the infamous words of the Wu-Tang Clan, “cash rules everything around us.” So if you proudly embrace the label of “gold digger,” you’ll probably be attracted to many older men who’ve made lots of money.
8. Older Men Understand Relationships Better
Relationships are the furthest thing from easy, and one of the few ways to get better at them is to be in them. In other words, the more you date, the better you are at it. Arguably, the same logic applies to serious relationships. Although, there is a scale. After all, too many serious relationships may signal that they’re terrible at it. To wit, someone who’s been married twice probably has more credibility than someone who’s tied the knot over a dozen times. Older men may be a good option for women searching for a partner who’s already made substantial relationship mistakes and learned a thing or ten.
9. You’re Ready To Have a Family
The intersection of biology and socio-cultural norms is crowded, loud, and dangerous. But for our discussion, suffice it to say that women are most fertile in their twenties. For better or worse, those are the facts. It doesn’t mean you cannot get pregnant in your 30s, 40s, or even 50s; it’s just easiest in your 20s. Women who are focused on motherhood and raising families may want to birth all their kids in their 20s. As such, partnering with an older man may be the most practical option, as they are more likely able to support a growing family. He may not have been ready to have kids in the past, but now he is. Just make sure that having kids is what you want, and you’re not blindly on a conveyor belt, fulfilling the dreams and expectations of other people.
10. You’re Attracted To Them
Look, we are who we are and like what we like. As they say, “there’s no accounting for taste.” So there’s always a chance you’re someone who simply finds older men attractive. In other words, liking older men and finding them more appealing isn’t a crime; it’s a mere preference. 15 Tips for Being Confident in a Relationship Does He Love Me? 23 Clear Signs He Does Is It The Guy You Like Or Just The Idea Of Him? 13 Signs You May Be Fooling Yourself
11. You’ve Lived a Full Life Already
Each life unfolds differently. Some people don’t blossom until their 70s, and others experience a lifetime by age 10. It’s the kaleidoscope of experiences that sculpt our personalities and outlooks. So if you’ve lived a full life and weathered challenging or unique experiences at a young age, you may feel more comfortable with older people. However, try not to label natural growing pains as unique experiences. Every bump and knock along the way isn’t a life-altering event.
12. You’re Preternaturally Mature
At the start of the list, we mentioned that maturity often played a significant role in relationships between older men and younger women. Some people are naturally tall, others mature early, and others are born that way. It happens. Some folks come out of the womb clutching a copy of AARP. If you’re one of the preternaturally mature people, then you will likely be attracted to older men for much of your life.
13. There’s a Special Connection
Undeniable connections can go a long way. For example, let’s say you grew up in Spitsbergen and now live in New York. One night, you’re at a bar and happen to meet a man 20 years your senior who also grew up in Svalbard. That would be highly unusual, and it stands to reason that you would have much more in common with him than someone else at the bar who may be closer to your age but grew up in Los Angeles. The connection is often hobbies and activities. Perhaps both of you run ultra marathons and are scrimshaw artifact aficionados. The point is that age becomes less of a factor when you find someone with undeniable connections.
How to Attract Older Men
Interested in attracting older men? You can do a few things to increase your chances of finding a “silver fox.”
Be Confident
In healthy cases, older men don’t want to deal with women still working through their self-esteem issues. They prefer to interact with confident women comfortable in their own skin. So work on building your self-awareness and self-confidence. Whether or not you’re in the market for an older man, working on yourself is a wise move. Ultimately, women with healthy self-esteem lead more satisfying lives. Here’s some unsolicited advice: Don’t bother with older men who want to keep you in a state of immaturity and baby you. 9.9 times out of ten, these situations morph into something ugly or deeply unsatisfying. A partner who genuinely cares about you will want to help and see you grow.
Be a Good Listener
Listening is a vital skill. It’s how we learn to communicate and express genuine care and concern for other people in our lives. Most people get better at listening the older they get. As such, older men tend to prefer women who’ve already tackled this skill. Think about it: How do you feel when you are talking to someone, and they’re everywhere but the conversation? It’s annoying and disrespectful.
Read and Meditate More
Many older men are attracted to young women with big brains. The good news is that you can become smarter. Multiple studies conclude that the more you read, the brighter you’ll get. Not only does it “improve” the quality of your brain, but you learn more about the world by reading. Meditating is another way to optimize your mind. Research data shows that maintaining a meditation habit helps people think quicker and clearer. Meditation and reading are the “cheat codes” for intelligence.
Become a Healthier Eater
Believe it or not, older men are often very particular about their diets. Since they’re a little bit closer to mortality, they’re proportionally more concerned with how they fuel their bodies. So if you want to attract mature men into your life, learn more about healthy eating and move in that direction yourself. After all, it’s much easier to date someone with similar culinary preferences.
Learn How To Drink Responsibly
Drunkenness isn’t cute to most older men. The last thing they want is someone on their arm who’s sloshed out of their gourd. Once you reach 25, there are few times when being outrageously drunk is acceptable or advisable. Does it happen? Of course. We all have “too much to drink” every once in a while. But if you’re regularly downing a few bottles of wine every time you go out and end up making a fool of yourself, don’t expect him to latch on.
Final Thought
Will you get side-eyes and disapproving quips hurled at you for dating an older man? Almost certainly. People will never stop thinking they have the right to judge other folks’ relationships. But at the beginning and end of the day, we cannot help who we fall for. If you find a soul mate in someone older, so be it. That’s how your journey is unfolding. As long as you develop as a person, you’re on the right path. So don’t worry about the “haters” and their disparaging attitudes. People who genuinely love you will stick by your side and love you unconditionally — even if you are dating a grandpa. (We kid. And hey, being able to laugh at yourself is something older men find very attractive.)
